Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
