My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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