I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
