I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize