If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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