Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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