You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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