the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
