remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
smell my finger.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
