At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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