The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All the doctor said was why
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
