I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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