Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
