the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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