I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dicks are not precious.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
