During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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