You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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