I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and she was petting her beer can
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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