Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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