I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
