yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
