I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
