I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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