Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
