i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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