I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
