I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
