dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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