i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
