So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
