why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
