I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
