its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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