I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
