She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
