worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize