My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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