My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
