Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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