Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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