I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
