I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
