so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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