Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
