my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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