Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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