I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
