I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
