now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
