I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
