Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
