Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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