I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
