Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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