a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
