i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
