it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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