Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
