just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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