I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize