Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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