If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
