I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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