i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
