I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
