You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
