Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
