i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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