Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she peed on how many people?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just had sex on a roof
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
